Was it all going well?

There comes a point in time in your life when you thought that everything around you was going alright, everything is fine and there is perfectly nothing wrong with your life at all..but unfortunately you just dont see the bad things that are happening to you and things that are being kept from you..

I was feeling very good on saturday and i was on the verge to recovery, but somehow or another, i just cant seem to ever get well and live a normal week of school. It seems to me that im never fine when i have school?i have no idea whats wrong with me..i think its in my mind..but yes i fell really really sick on sunday..it was like a relaspe..i really hope i dont get one anytime soon because i cannot afford to be sick as exams are coming soon and i need to study and stay focused on doing well (: Honestly i havent been well ever since school started and these few days have been really good ones for me, one of the best so far that i've had and i hope it stays this way..

You know, its funny how sometimes when you look up to this one particular person and you think that person is super cool and you kinda make that person your "role model" you observe every move of that person? Well that happaned to me..but that person just had to do something or say something that made you go "oh urm right..urm i derno man" and "urm is this the person that i actually looked up to and think that he/she was super cool?" i cant believe that this is happening to me..i never thought that person would ever do such a thing to me...even tho its just such a small action, it really disgusted me and i can never look at that person the same way i did before..it just isnt the same anymore..im really disappointed with what happened and i derno the same respect that i had for that person is just gone..all washed down the drain into nothing..what i thought was there, isnt the same anymore?why must people be like that?i know people change but sigh maybe its just me..

On another note(different person from the one above) i really want to tell that person that i have feelings for that particular person but im just soo very afraid that it might ruin what we have..i mean we're good friends and i just dont want to spoil anything at all..because it would be soo weird if i get a no for an answer..i know that things would never be the same as it was before..i feel that going on is just pointless and i think im just going to give up and just remain friends..its better that way for both of us..and no one will know what happened and everything will be normal. Yes i will be living a lie but its better that way..

Maybe there's beauty in goodbye..
theres just no reason left to try..