Why am i still your friend?

You know im questioning myself, asking myself why i even bother being friend, why i even bother caring anymore? After all that you've done to me..the fact is, and i know its hurting but truth is, you've never changed at all..not one bit..i dont see anything at all honestly..its just not like before anymore you know we used to be good friends and all and close so at least i could see whats happening but after we've drifted apart and got back together again, i thought i saw a change in you, you being different from before but i wa wrong..

People kept telling me that you're still the same old person but you know what?i chose not to believe whatever they said and give you a chance..but chance after chance just passes by and what do i get?the exact same thing?come on surely you of all people, a smart person would be able to fake it..well times up..im sorry but game over..that was just the last straw..really being your friend is so bad i'd rather be friends with the wall? at least i know i can lean on a wall if i need someone to talk to and the wall would at least hear me? and you, you just urgh nvm i totally give up why do i even bother..

thanks alot but you're just too little too late!

Happy day

You know amongst the stress and everything, i still know that my friends are always there for me no matter what and its always nice to once in a while hear their voice and get to talk to them..it really made my day (:

My best friend im'ed me on msn (: i was soo happy.i was busy studying so i didnt see her coming online but just those few words meant so much..both of us are soo busy and we never get to talk to each other the same way we did before and its just nice to know that she's still there and im soo excited i cannot wait for sept to come..i can feel it in me already and im soo happy..this long awaited rest i really need. a time of relaxation and just enjoying myself (:

So f***ing pissed!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHH im just soo frustrated right now..with everything in life, with studies, money issues and PIANO...god save me please honestly im soo effing pissed..im going nuts..

yes my life sucks..well see the thing is that people dont see what is going on..they just see whats happening on the outside cause i just dont say anything at all and keep everything to myself..god that sounded soo emo..AND NO I DONT CUT MYSELF! right so yes ahhh im just soo frustrated and i dont know what to do!..cant you see that im choking and i cant even move. when there's nothing left to say, what can you do. im heavily broken..and there's nothing i can do..about it at all..

i've been stuck with this ever since the age of 3 and a half and the thing is that i've never enjoyed a single bit of playing the piano..really like i have no joy at all when i play it or do anything associated with it..really..accept when i play veronicas songs and sing along to it but thats different you see.because its a whole different story..everytime i go for my piano lessons i get soo freaking stressed up because im just soo pressurized by my teacher its killing me..she's insane i tell you i swear she's f***ing crazy..like some pyschopath or something..and i dont practice at all cause i just cannot be bothered and natrually i get scolded but who cares cause i just totally give up..you never know what she wants so there's no use trying..sometimes she's soo erratic she says this and then the next week she goes oh no this is wrong do this insteaed and if you cannot get it, she scolds you like crazy for not being able to do something you just got..i mean like seriously im not like some piano genius or somtehing you know im just a normal student, one that actually hates playing the piano.its such a waste of time money and effort..i can do so many other better things like sleeping..notice how i classify it as being more important then piano..well i love sleeping so urm yeah whatever haha..urm yes i mean i suck at it and yet i dont know why i still have to continue..really you should hear me i sound like crap honestly like SHIT haha..so yes i've deviced a wonderful plan to try to stop playing piano ahaha whoot i really hope it works haha..well see the thing is im going to be sooo bad that you know im just gaonna fail every exam that i take on purpose..and not practice at all from now on and just get scolded every week until she calls my mum and complains about me..im just gonna stop trying to prove that i really suck..actualy no that might not work..im still gonna practice but im going to SUCK at it so im gonna play like shit so that i am percieved to be bad which is a good thing then they will see that i really suck cause no matter how hard i try i just cannot get the rhythm and the notes..so yes i really hope it works and i'll fail all my exams and just suck..that way my parents would be able to see that i really suck which is a good thing..whoot haha im soo happy now (:

and yes seriously people i derno how many times i've got to tell you im not f***ing rich..im just alright..everywhere i go people think im this f***ing rich person..seriously im NO where near there at all..im just alright..ok if im rich why do i only bring $4 to school everyday?hello its only $4 thats really little you know..i ask you why i have to bring so little?because i have not enough money thats why i have to save up so much because my mum does not have enough money to provide for my every need hence the reason why i need to provide it myself..honestly im not rich at all..really..so stop saying that i am because it pisses me off..all those things that i have, i save up to get them..i dont just go asking money from my parents and i'll get whatever i want?no that does not happen at all because i dont get whatever i want at all..wait maybe not me, maybe my other brother..but im not complaining because its still evident that they love him more and ive already resigned to that fate and i dont care anymore..but yes who cares if i dont get whatever i want..you cant have it and so im satisfied..but it just pisses me off that people say stuff about me that isnt true at all..and mind you im referring to everyone including my friends cause its just annoying..let me make this clear once and for all..i am really not rich at all and if you still wanna go around annoucing it then just f*** off alright cause im just going to ignore you and not talk to you because you're just full of shit..

Stuff that i wanna get

Ok updated list of what i wanna get:


1. The Veronicas - The Secret Life Of..(the one with the extra track)
2. The All-American Rejects - Move Along
3. Kaci Brown - Instigator
4. Jojo's new album
5. Katharine McPhee's New Cd
6. High School Musical DVD
7. Heaps of DVDs (have a whole list)
8. The Oc Season 2 DVD
9. Lost Season 2 DVD
10. Desperate Housewives Season 2 DVD
11. Panic! At The Disco - A Fever You Can't Sweat Out
12. Black Pants
13. AAR Merch
14. Veronicas Tie
15. New Phone
16. Ipod Video

that should be all for now

Cheapskate Day

Well i was supposed to study on friday and then steph called and asked me to hang out with her at tm..so i was like fine fine i mean i have to spend time with her and stuff..so yeah basically we had alot of fun walking around and just catching up and talking you know, how we used to talk before we got separated into different classes, we're just not as close as we were before (: i miss both of my bestest friends in poly, Priya and Steph (:

We went around every place that had a discount LOL..we went to eat at our work place cause i wanted to study and we got like 50% discount HHAHHAHA..we were really happy..and then after that we went to watch my superex girlfriend..it was really funny..one weird thing was that there were people stitting way in front laughing like crazy which made everyone in the theatre laugh like crazy too cause they were nuts i swear..but overall it was okish..

after that we went to pasta mania, where they had discount for students too..yes i wonder why we wanted to go there haha..i actually suggested to go down to that cookie store and try all the ice creams there..i mean its being cheapskate right?you get all the freee and cheap stuff..haha its soo funny you know..she was so glad she was chinese because we're just too thick skin for our own good and we always demand the cheapest and the best quality its actually embarrassing..and yes im guitly of that tooo..sadly but yeah im sorry when it comes to money and stuff like that i always have to settle for the cheapest and the best (:

yeah and we were waiting to collect our pay but our boss just didnt want to come down..waited the whole entire day and yet he didnt come..it pisses me off lar but i mean what can i do anyways..but yes i had heaps of fun hanging out with steph (: its been a long tmie since we went out but yes tho i didnt do alot of studying i was glad i went out because it kinda relieved my stress and stuff so its good (:

Will I Miss You?

Time passes by and sometimes we just leave things the way they are,
Never treasuring what we have.
Only realizing that we've lost something so valuable,
Something that we love so dearly when that thing/person is gone
honestly i do miss her..haha

after one day of not having her scold me, the class, and everyone else in lecture i already miss her..i feel so bad that i was not a very good student to her but im sure she will be greatly missed! you are such an inspiratation to me it gives me great joy and pleasure to be in your class..tho i know we've had times where sometimes we dont get along so well..but at the end of the day, whatever that you've done is/was for my own good and i know that you have complete faith in me to do the best that i can and i will promise you that i will work hard!

Urm yes my friend called me on sunday just before i was about to go to bed..and he made me laugh soo hard i almost died LMFAO it was extremely funny..ok so yes we were talking about how bitchy i was and stuff and i should cut down...esp in my blog LOL..cause we were talking about my brothers behaviour and stuff and how it affected everyone and then came this wonderful phrase "bitch blogging". Well done VICKI hahah! He actually imgained me going on the Oprah show as one of her special guests for the special show "bitch blogging" about how special teenage people like me suffer from this thing. And so you know the usual thing happens, Oprah calls my name and i walk out from the back door and give Oprah a hug and tell her i love her and its soo exciting to be here and im so happy bla bla bla and then she starts talking about this "thing" that i have about bitch blogging..and right in the front row is another special guest, Priya, one of the "victims" of my bitch blogging..and she talks to Priya about the whole bitch blogging and how she felt about it whether she was hurt or not..and then Priya starts to cry after all the hurt she's been thru and everything..and then Oprah shows on camera the posts that i wrote about Priya my family and what not and she reads it out..and then she gets word from the producers that they have a special guest who annonymously posts on my blog and she invites the guest out and its none other then miss Candice Nghai..and she comes out..but Miss Nghai is actually an expert on Bitch blogging and she has like researched and stuff and shes found out about the different agnst that teenage people suffer..and Priya gets really angry when she finally sees her because miss Nghai said something in her blog about being a tag team bitch..and when Priya tries to act upon what she said, Miss Nghai, Miss Nghai goes in your face you loser!..and yeah after the whole show, Oprah has a special surprise for me Candice and Priya..she gives us this free bag of stuff..and on it says "bitch blogging kit" LMFAO i was laughing non stop when i heard this HAHAHA its soo funny..LOL

so yes argh im soo pissed at my parents yet again..they are always being soo biatchy..and my mum thinks that she knows everything and that everything revolves around her? and everything has to go her way? well im sorry i have to be the bitch her but dude things will not always go your way...yes sometimes they do but most of the time they dont and you must learn how to work around it..and you cant just go and talk to someone about it if you have a problem and ask that person to solve your problem for you..dude it soo does not work that way..if it did why do you think there are wars right now going on, boss ill-treating their employees, and people dying everyday because of stress..seriously i need to knock some sense into them because they dont see anything at all..imagine this alright..i told my mum that i watned to buy a laptop cause sometimes teachers in school gives us assignments that they want due on that day itself and the thing is that the com labs are always packed so we have no way that we can do it..guess what she said? tell me who the teacher is i'll go and talk to her/him about it..i was like WTF did she just say?hello im not in primary school.not everything can go your way at all seriously..and i gave her a senario, how if your boss asks you to do your and hand it in by the end of the day and your coms break down what do you do?and she couldnt say anything..i dare you to go and tell your boss that you cant hand in your work..i mean like thats soo impossible cause you'll get fired the next day..she just doenst seem to understand things at all..she thinks she's in it but she's soo out of it it pisses me off big time..

life sucks big time..
tell me what do you do when it all falls apart!

Busy Busy Week, Glad that its finally over (:

Wow cant believe this week passed by so fast..it was soo busy..running up and down collecting money, screaming at people. doing tutorials..doing prelab omg prelab..that one almost killed me..urm bsc investiture and what not..but yeah im soo happy that its all finally over..i mean soo much pressure..here's a whole list of people that i wanna thank haha in no particular order and if your name is not mentioned i thank you as well cause i might have just missed it out but yes im still thankful for your help..even if you think that you didnt do anything or if you did something small it still helped in many ways (:

Starting with,
Rahmat..without you, this event would never happen at all..and i thank you for doing so much (:
Sharyl and Serena for getting the venue and the tickets organized
Rachel and Sharyl for holding on to the tickets for me
Shi Ying and Michelle for going down to get the tickets
All the freshman class reps that went around your class asking you guys rock! thanks soo much for going around your class and im soryr for hounding you non stop everyday (:
Ruz for getting so many people..

yeap i think thats all..

The week was really busy oh and BSC investiture..i have no comments about it but law invest was like better (:
yeah ok i cant be bothered to blog..i had heaps of things to say but i cant rmb..

Top song by each singer

Ok i decided to do this, post my most fav song by each singer

The Afters - Beautiful Love
Alicia Keys - If I Aint Got You
The All-American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret
Aly & Aj - Rush
Anthony Callea - The Prayer
Ashlee Simpson - Boyfriend (she sucks)
Ashley Parker Angel - Let U Go
Atomic Kitten - Eternal Flame
Avril Lavigne - Im With You
Beyonce - Deja Vu
Black Eyed Peas - Dont Lie
Blaque - Im Good
Blue - Guilty
Bon Jovi - Its My Life
Britney Spears - Everytime (hard choice)
Carrie Underwood - Inside Your Heaven
Cassey Donovan - Whats Going On
Ciara - 1, 2 Step
The Click Five - Catch Your Wave
Crazy Town - Butterfly
Delta Goodrem - Lost Without You
Destinys Child - Lose My Breath
Dido - White Flag
Eminen - When Im Gone
Evanesence - Bring Me To Life
Fall Out Boy - Dance Dance
Fergie - London Bridges
Good Charlotte - We Believe
Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends
Haylie Duff - One In This World
Hilary Duff - Fly
Holly Valance - Naughty Girl
Howie Day - Collide
Jamelia - Superstar
Jason Mraz - Remedy
Jennifer Love Hewitt - Can I Go Now
Jennifer Paige - Stranded
Jesse McCartney - Best Day of My Life
Jessica Simpson - With You
Jojo - Too Little Too Late
Josh Gorbon - To Where You Are
Joss Stone - Spoiled
Kaci Brown - Unbelievable
Kate DeAraugo - Faded
Katharine McPhee - My Destiny (hard choice)
Keith Urban - You'll Think Of Me
Kelly Clarkson - Because Of You
Kelly Rowland - Stole
Kylie Minogue - Red Blooded Woman
Kym Marsh - Cry
LeAnn Rhimes - Cant Fight The Moonlight
Lee Ryan - When I Think Of You
Lifehouse - You And Me
Lindsay Lohan - Over
Liz Phair - Why Cant I
Lucie Silvas - What You're Made Of
M2M - Mirror Mirror
Mandy Moore - I Wanna Be With You
Mariah Carey - We Belong Together
Marion Raven - Here I Am
Maroon 5 - Sunday Morning
Mary J. Blige - Be Without You
McFly - Obviously
Michelle Branch - Breathe
Natalie Imbruglia - Torn
Natasha Bedingfield - I Bruise Easily
Nick Lachey - Whats Left Of Me
Oasis - Champagne Supernova
October Fall - Caught In The Rain
Oliver James - Greatest Story Ever Told
Panic At The Disco - The Only Difference Between Martyrdom And Suicide Is Press Coverage
Phantom Planet - California
PCD - Dont Cha
Repeat Offender - Red 4 You
Rihanna - S.O.S (Rescue Me)
Ryan Cabrera - Photo (hard choice)
S Club - Never Had A Dream Come True (hard choice)
Shakira - Hips Dont Lie
Sugababes - Stronger
Switchfoot - Dare You To Move
t.A.T.u - All About Us
Tammin Sursok - Whatever Will Be
Teddy Geiger - For You I Will (Confidence)
Three Days Grace - Are You Ready
Tommy Lee - Good Times (feat. Butch Walker)
Toploader - Dancing In The Moonlight
Tyler Hilton - How Love Should Be
Vanessa Carlton - White Houses
The Veronicas - Everything Im Not (VERY hard choice)
Yellowcard - Only One

Was it all going well?

There comes a point in time in your life when you thought that everything around you was going alright, everything is fine and there is perfectly nothing wrong with your life at all..but unfortunately you just dont see the bad things that are happening to you and things that are being kept from you..

I was feeling very good on saturday and i was on the verge to recovery, but somehow or another, i just cant seem to ever get well and live a normal week of school. It seems to me that im never fine when i have school?i have no idea whats wrong with me..i think its in my mind..but yes i fell really really sick on sunday..it was like a relaspe..i really hope i dont get one anytime soon because i cannot afford to be sick as exams are coming soon and i need to study and stay focused on doing well (: Honestly i havent been well ever since school started and these few days have been really good ones for me, one of the best so far that i've had and i hope it stays this way..

You know, its funny how sometimes when you look up to this one particular person and you think that person is super cool and you kinda make that person your "role model" you observe every move of that person? Well that happaned to me..but that person just had to do something or say something that made you go "oh urm right..urm i derno man" and "urm is this the person that i actually looked up to and think that he/she was super cool?" i cant believe that this is happening to me..i never thought that person would ever do such a thing to me...even tho its just such a small action, it really disgusted me and i can never look at that person the same way i did before..it just isnt the same anymore..im really disappointed with what happened and i derno the same respect that i had for that person is just gone..all washed down the drain into nothing..what i thought was there, isnt the same anymore?why must people be like that?i know people change but sigh maybe its just me..

On another note(different person from the one above) i really want to tell that person that i have feelings for that particular person but im just soo very afraid that it might ruin what we have..i mean we're good friends and i just dont want to spoil anything at all..because it would be soo weird if i get a no for an answer..i know that things would never be the same as it was before..i feel that going on is just pointless and i think im just going to give up and just remain friends..its better that way for both of us..and no one will know what happened and everything will be normal. Yes i will be living a lie but its better that way..

Maybe there's beauty in goodbye..
theres just no reason left to try..